Famo Adventure Motorcycling Guide

Sa Wat Dii KRAB!!! Sing it, don’t say it. The Thai language is a difficult one to grasp as it has different intonations: low-pitch, medium-pitch, high-pitch, rising and falling. So, to say Sa Wat Dii Krab, you start off with the Sa (low-pitch) then the Wat (low-pitch) then the Dii (medium-pitch) then the KHRAB (high-pitch). You start off low and then let it rise to a big, loud KHRAB that means you really really want to say g’day. If you get any of these tones wrong, then the folk you’re speaking to will stare at you blankly, look at each other, laugh and then say something along the lines of “Hey, check out this crazy Farang trying to speak Thai”. Farang means foreigner and I hear it a million times a day when I do something stupid. It isn’t a curse (Thais don’t curse), it’s more of a joke at your expense but definitely light-hearted, good-humoured and not intended to insult (I don’t think..). When I first heard it flung at me I’d get ever so slightly perturbed (don’t you know who I am?! I’m a world motorcycle adventurer of great fame and fortune!), but it didn’t take long to realise that Thais don’t really care too much about who you were before you arrived in Thailand, or who you’ll be when you leave, they do things differently to us. As difficult as it was, I had to come to terms with the fact that I actually was an outsider, and that foreigner name-calling was generally carried out with the least of ill will.

I like Thai people very much, everything they do in life has to be interwoven with an element of fun, it is almost a law. If you approach any kind of situation with a bit of cheek, they love it and you’ll find yourself laughing along to whatever prank they’re pulling. When I was at university, a Thai guy who lived in a flat I used to visit, Ed, used to crack me up so much. I can see his smile in so many of the people I meet every day.

So, onto the diary…

The last post had me hanging out in Kuala Lumpur. Heading north from KL, my first stop was a massive internet cafe in Ipoh where nearly 100 Malays were playing online games. The best part about this place was its location: right beside an awesome veggie restaurant. I had a few bytes (sorry) and then left for an island called Penang. Penang was a let down but to tell you the truth I didn’t give it much of a chance, riding into the capital Georgetown was harrowing due to the spaghetti-like concoction of narrow, one-way streets. I was so exhausted after the massive week before, I slept for 12 hours solid, woke up in the morning and drove straight back out of Georgetown. I wanted to get to Thailand VERY badly.

At the border, I had to explain to the Malaysian customs how to exit-stamp my Carnet. This is starting to become a routine activity as I don’t believe many of the customs officials around this area have actually seen the document before. They let me into no mans land (the 500 or so metres between two countries) and I made my way gingerly to the Thai border. This was my first overland border crossing with the bike and I had no real idea what to expect. A generous group of Thai officials grouped together and had an argument about what to do with my carnet and eventually the most official looking, or the guy with the most badges anyway, decided I didn’t need an entry stamp if my plans were to continue on to Cambodia. I tried to protest but he would have nothing of it and made me line up in the vehicle importation line for a customs guarantee slip, that I would need to show at the border on my exit. Just as the slip was being finalised and I was about to leave, a (more) senior official came into the office, saw my carnet and decided it needed to be stamped. This made me happy, as I didn’t want to explain to the carnet issuers any indiscrepencies in the document. I wonder who trains these officials?? All of this took about an hour and then I was set free onto the beckoning streets of southern Thailand.

The first destination was Hat Yai, made famous in the news by a spate of bombs in September 2006, in which four people were killed and about 82 injured. It is suspected the six bombs were set off by the South Thailand Insurgency, an islamic seperatist movement in the Pattani province of southern Thailand. The Pattanis are basically a society detached from both Thailand and Malaysia, who for the last 70 years have been trying to gain independence in their provence. The only aftermath of the bombings I could see was a contingency of armed military throughout the town. One army guy I came across was standing in front of the shopping centre that was targeted and that I was planning to have a look in. I realised as I walked towards the guard that he was standing in front of the entrance to a dress shop and decided I had enough dresses to last me my trip to Spain (none). I spun on my heels and walked away but I heard him shout and beckon for me to come back, thinking he’d scared me off. I didn’t want to be rude so I went into the dress shop and browsed for a few minutes, much to the glee of the shopkeepers. I think the soldier winked at me as I left the shop.

Raining in Hat Yai

That night I met two English guys and we went out for a feed of traditional Thai, no wait, I had a hamburger. Oooooh western food so good after eating Malay food for weeks. Seeing as though Malaysia is a dry country, and by that I mean a country that taxes alcohol to the extreme, what do I do as soon as I’m confronted with the opportunity to purchase large amounts of cheap cheap Thai beer… buy a small outback property’s dam worth of it and lap it up like the dehydrated cow that I am!! Oooh, big mistake and a huge hangover the next day meant movement was kept to a minimum and shuffling my mode of transport. I tried haggling for a power converter but I didn’t have the energy hehe. After the trembling and sweats ceased, helped by an early-evening of drinking coke and watching the second Harry Potter film at the local Irish bar, I went to bed and had my first “disgusting” experience…

Bed bugs! I woke up at about 2am (after feeling a strange disturbance in the force) and could smell a very buggy smell, kind of like mild stinkbug smell. Then I discovered that my body was itchy. I immediately knew what was going on and launched out of bed, throwing on the light and scanning the mattress. No need to be quick, the sheet was swarming with the things, with maybe 50 ranging in size from a millimetre long to about the size of a ladybug. I shuddered, braced myself, picked up my sandal and went to work exterminating the little blood-suckers. I’m not a violent man, if a dog bites me on the arse I’ll turn the other cheek, but anything that feeds on me, then makes me itchy, while I’m asleep and defenseless, must be taken care of. The first one swatted exploded in a little ball of crimson as the blood, my blood, was liberated and drawn into the fabric of the sheet. By the end I could see about 50 little smears of blood all over the blanket. I crawled into the foetal position and rocked back and forward until the morning moaning “unclean, unclean”.

Bored of Hat Yai, I decided to head up to the island of Koh Pahangan for Christmas / New Year. The ride up to Surat Thani, the mainland town that the ferries service, was a nice introduction to Thai motorways. The Thais seem to be a lot more relaxed on the road than the Malays (no Mat Rempit!) and the cars are all brand new Toyota Hilux utes and Nissan Pathfinders. From what I can grasp, this is due to them being built in Thailand, therefore incurring no import duty and making them cheap to afford. The same reason why everyone in Malaysia drives a Proton. The quirky thing about the Hilux situation is the number of people they can carry. A King-Cab ute will have five people in the front and an equal amount in the tray, allowing for some pretty awesome games to be played while riding behind them on the highway. Most won’t smile unless you wave, some will laugh and some will look the other way completely. My favourite is to ride past with head down behind the faring pretending I’m on a race bike, they love it because the bike looks so ludicrously heavy!

Anyway, into Surat Thani and I met a girl from Finland in the street. She took me to her hostel and I booked in for the night, literally just a place to rest your head with a matress on the floor and rudimentary ammenities. The owners let me store my bike in the kitchen, keeping my mind at ease for the evening. The next day I caught the ferry to Koh-Phangan. At each ticket office I asked repeatedly if they had a place that I could safely leave my bike during the ferry trip, as I didn’t want it falling over from the movement in the swell. The all assured me it would be okay and when I wheeled the bike on, I realised they had absolutely no provision for bikes and every surface, including the ground, was smooth. The ferry guys decided to chock the engine with the wedges of wood used to stop cars rolling and I used a ratchet tie-down to add some extra safety. My fears were groundless and the bike seemed to be rock-solid for the three hour duration of the trip. The roads in Koh Phangan were mostly okay, some were horrid, rutted, steep, dirt tracks and the path down to the hostel (Hua Laem resort) was a nightmare. The resort is run by a Norwegian guy called Tom, who lives there with his Thai girlfriend and has just taken out a 10 year lease on the place. I think he’s the most chilled out guy I’ve ever met. The Bungalows were “inspirationally situated” on the beach and the sound of the surf washed in throughout the day and night.

Ferry to Koh Phangan

Hat Rin is the party capital of Thailand, hosting the notorious Koh-Phangan full-moon parties. The drop-in bar is located directly on the main beach and tables, chairs and mats are provided for the revellers. Each night kicks off at about 10:30pm and begins with some slower music, quiet drinking and a warm-up fire-twirling show by a hanful of Thai guys. As the night progresses, the music gets faster, the crowd revel harder and the fire twirling more extreme. The papa-twirler stands on a chair and swings these 6-foot long burning ropes in arcs behind his head making him look like an angel. Then out comes the most dangerous device to a drunken farang ever invented… the burning ring of fire. The fire twirlers grab this big rope ring and set it on fire, hold it up by wires on either side and encourage the drunk tourists to dive through it. This became my undoing and I ended up spending Christmas eve lying in bed with an incredibly sore back taking painkillers and anti-inflammatories. Christmas eve in my room alone reading a book and not being able to move. Priceless!

Firetwirler, Haad Rin beach

Christmas day my back eased up a bit and I walked into town. By evening it was in pretty good shape and I went out for traditional christmas dinner with an awesome Canadian couple I met at the resort. We played pool for a couple of hours and then ventured (me very timidly) down to the drop-in bar for the party. Drinks seemed to cure my back and the night became morning before I knew it. A great night was had, although I lost my watch sometime during the night.

I spent the rest of my time on Koh Phangan under intense Thai massage therapy (becomes an addiction) and headed back to Surat Thani to try and reach Bangkok for New Years eve.

Temple at Prachuap Kirri Kahn, on the way to Bangkok

Monkeys!!! On the way up to the above temple

I had a strong desire to travel to Bangkok via a national park so stopped for a night at the Keang Krachan NP. What I thought would be a quiet little camp turned out to be 24 hours of complete and utter madness. As I rounded the bend onto the lakeside camping ground, about 5000 tents appeared and riding through the melee to find a suitable spot to pitch, I realised that everyone else in the ground was Thai. I pulled up and was immediately taken under the wing of a crazy Thai man who imposed too much hospitality on me, became upset when I suggested I wanted to go find my own dinner and proceeded to sit outside my tent all night and burn things… a bad night’s sleep needless to say.

Keang Krachan National Park campsite

I woke up at 5am and packed my gear up ready for the trip up to Phanoen Thung mountain. I rode the 30km to the park’s entrance and was told “No Entry for Motorcycles” by the guard. I think I may have snapped at them because the main guy refused to speak to me after a while (no-sleep and an early morning didn’t put me in the best mood). I went back to the small restaurant serving breakfast about 200m before the entrance and put on my best “dejected farang who’d come to Thailand specifically to see this mountain” face. I was quickly picked up by a group of 7 Thai girls and allowed to store my bike behind the local cooking-oil-merchant’s barrels. She said she’d take good care of it.

In the back of the ute, heading up the mountain

I jumped into the back of the ute with four of the girls and we headed into the park. What a crazy ride!! In the dark, five people in the back of the ute, 30km to drive and it took 2.5 hours. The rode was bumper to bumper with hundreds of cars trying to get up the mountain for sunrise. We ended up getting to the top at about 8 o’clock, with the sun already in the sky, to be greeted by about 500 Thai sightseers. This is the deal with Bangkok. The city is so congested and so busy, bumper to bumper traffic throughout the day and incredibly cramped living conditions, that when the Bangkok dwellers comes to take a holiday, they somehow, whether subconsiously or on purpose, recreate their daily living conditions. The trip back down was no better, as the road was one way and the rangers hadn’t cleared the cars heading up before allowing the return traffic through. By the end of the trip I was absolutely filthy, covered in dust and ready to get the hell out of the national park.

Mist in the valley (the sight everyone comes to see)

A dusty group at the top of the hill

Heading down the mountain

That afternoon I rode into Bangkok, found a hostel, had a shower, had a chat with the girl at the hostel and realised to my dismay that it was New Years Eve. We walked into Khao San road and heralded in the new year with an unenthusiastic (exhausted) wave of a beer bottle. Home to bed then to get over the day’s activities. I’ve realised now that the hostel I’m staying in is a bit “different”. Kind of on the cheap side, small rooms available for rent by the hour, many foreigners who’ve been there for years, allowed to bring girls home… You get the idea, it’s the Bangkok Hotel California. I’d considered leaving but the price is about $3 a night and the people are pretty friendly. I’d really like to be with some other backpackers though because I don’t really feel like I fit in with these folk, lovely as they are.

Bangkok lane.

A former backpacker hostel that someone accidentally burnt down

The Tuk Tuks in Bangkok are too expensive, catch a cab instead!!

Having a chat

Farang next door please!

Well, that brings me up to yesterday, when I bought myself a new front tire for my bike. I bought a brand new Dunlop Trailmax (same as the old tire) for about $60 AU, which is a bargain. My next step will be to travel into Cambodia and try to meet up with my parents after not having seen them for a few months. I’ll tour up into Laos and then back into Northern Thailand, Chang Mai and Chang Rai come highly recommended and I’d love to visit some hill tribes on my bike.

One last thing, I have a very big dilemma ahead of me that I’m trying to get my head around. I have absolutely no idea how I’ll get from Thailand to India. The road through Myanmar is definitely closed to overland travelers, which leaves only a couple of options. Very rarely does China allow unaccompanied overland travelers through its southern borders, however once into China, the trip through the southern provinces into Tibet, Nepal and then down into India would be a mini “trip of a lifetime”. If I can swing this I’d love to give it a go. The other option is to fly to Khatmandu or India and ride from there, however I’m not too keen on flying anywhere. The last option may be a boat across the Bay of Bengal into Bangladesh, but I haven’t read any stories of travelers pulling this off. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

Thanks again for reading, its a bit of a long one but I hope you’re enjoying the tales. Will let you know how I go in Cambodia / Laos in a couple of weeks.

Love always
Damo